Just Like A Genie In A Bottle You Gotta Pet Him The Right Way
by Lynnie-chan
Summary: {Title may change} This is a YAOI GrimmXIchi story. Comedy,it's supposed to be funny, it might offend someone, im sorry if it does, it's not done to hurt anyone's feeling's at all. I want to thank the lovely PhoenixDiamond for helping me with this and another story that's coming soon. Other anime guy's may appear later. Review's are loved, flames will be used to lite my ciggretts


Just Like A Genie In A Bottle, You Gotta Pet Me The Right Way

Saturday night in Karakura town was warm, humid almost, with a dampness from the previous rain causing people to feel sticky and sweaty and flat out cranky. The three males walking through the crowded street's were not exempt to the flat out icky feeling weather. And the red headed tattooed male was not hiding his feeling's with being quite about it either.

"Damn it Ichigo, you asked me to come to the show, not walk through mother nature's womanly bit's after she takes a hot shower!" He snapped his hands waving above his head in a more dramatic nature than need be, but this was Renji Abari, he, if anything, was dramatic, how Shuuhei did it was a question to nearly everyone who knew the couple.

"Leave 'em alone Renji, Ichigo has to work to make money and pay rent so he don't piss off the big bad land lady that will come after him." Shinji said, piano wide smile nearly stretching off his face while, dodging the well aimed punch for his temple, a laugh still spilling from his lips as he nearly slipped on the still wet sidewalk.

"Both of ya vultures shut the hell up, I swear your worse than clucking hen's. And that old witch hate's me, thinks im some damn gangster" Ichigo snapped, choosing to ignore the snicker's from the two ass's that he called friends. Rule one of friendship, do NOT kill your friends, even if you are most likely doing the world a service.

Ichigo Kurosaki, standing at five foot nine with long lean leg's that led up straight to heaven, a cut stomach that you could grate cheese on, toned slightly broad chest with a silver hoop through the left nipple, that was covered by a smidgen to tight t'shirt. Sunset orange hair that defied gravity spiking in every direction with bangs that teased his eyebrow's and was soft as all hell too. Dark coffee colored eyes that cut into your very being whenever you looked into them, and a sharp straight nose, plump coral pink lip's that could make your cream your panties when they curved upwards with a black hoop in the right side of the bottom lip.

The young man looked like he was cut from a starving artist's wet dream and brought to life. He was twenty two year's old and finally was getting his name known after opening for men and women twice his age, playing empty shows to only his family and friends. He was a comedian, surprisingly since he wasn't the most..funny person around, at least he didn't look like it, go figure, what funny people were supposed to look like he didn't know.

But that was beyond the point, they were going to the club that he was working at tonight, it was kareoke club called Vizards, it was pretty popular but Ichigo believed strongly that it was because they served strong drink's, since really not everyone could sing, and if you didn't have a drink, and you listened to some of the people in the world sing, you would throw some shit, Ichigo had heard Renji sing before and that had his ears bleeding.

Shaking the thought's Ichigo knocked on the back door and stepped back as the purple, once upon time most likely a different color, opened revealing a tall reed skinny male with black hair and an eye patch, looking at him. He had a creepy grin, it seemed to say 'come here and let me do dirty unspeakable things to you.' Ichigo wasn't amused.

"Ya the entertainment tonight?" He asked, his voice was oozing, and not that sexy ooze you got from a man that could love you right all night long and leave you screaming in tongues and begging for more when he walked out the door taking all his damn sexiness with him, nah, this was ooze like squeezing frosting out of a piping bag, just flat out ewwww!

"That's me, and what are you? my body guard cause uh..ya look a little frail."

The eye patch wearing male glared but stepped aside. They said the entertainer was a comedian, he didn't think it was a funny joke but whatever, if he was the entertainment then let him deal with the people who came in here. Ichigo just smirked, ignoring the way Shinji seemed to leer at him when he smiled, and walked in. He needed to see the stage before he started.

Shinji and Renji left to find seat's a few minunet's after looking around the back of the club and seeing that the weirdo door guard would be leaving Ichigo alone, and found a pair of seats. Ichigo meanwhile grabbed a bottle of water and a little flask that held his rum, hey he had to loosen up a bit to deal with people, and waited for the club owner to announce him.

"And tonight we're having someone new coming out, Ichigo Kurosaki!"

The owner said and the crowd cheered signaling Ichigo to walk out from the back and grinned waving at the crowd of people in the dark club, the light's, once strobe, were now on the stage giving him light to see, and to blind him, and letting the crowd see him. Either way it was part of the job, and now that he was on stage it was time to begin.

"Hey, how ya'll feeling tonight? Good, good!" He said strutting on the stage and taking the microphone off the stand and moving it behind him, ignoring the cat call's at his ass, another thing about women he wouldn't ever understand.

"Alright~ well let's just get straight to the fun shit. Went on a trip over the semester break, college kids will know what I mean when I say semester break, since the ones of you who don't go to school, well ya'll just suck. Anyway, ha, went on a a trip with a couple of friends of mine. Went to the state's, I like America, it's funny, people are weird but it's good."

He said laughing remembering the trip to Oklahoma City with Renji and Shinji, Shinji wanted to visit his pen pal.

"You know, over there they say obesity is a disease..it's not." The male said laughing. "Now before anyone here get's offended, you aren't fat, you know why..because you WALKED in here. The only thing disease's and obese people have in common? they are both easy to catch!" He said, the crowd laughing while he took a sip of his water bottle, laughing a little as well.

"You know, people say that being fat is a disease but being gay is a choice..it's not, if it was there wouldn't be a single straight man around, because if it's a choice it's a not a fair choice, since..okay, two choices. Choice one, be with a woman, spend anywhere from one week to a year, depending on the woman, trying to woo her into bed with different level's of lie's deceat's and untruth's, woo her into bed, make beautiful love together, fall more in-love, and get to the stage where you mush your face's together all the time because your pathetic, but what you DON'T realize, is while your face's are mushed together she's putting blinder's on the side of your head and while your head so you cant see you life go by, friends, family, life, life, all gone, the next thing you know your forty five and all your dreams are dead."

Ichigo moved his hand that had been waving beside his head for effect and laughed as the crowd laughed as well.

"Or choice two, hang out with your friend all day and get blow job's? what choice would you make?" He asked with a laugh.

"Now, I am going to tell you all something, women your possibly going to hate me, but I hate Twilight. I really do, but i've got a reason! i've seen all the film's, and I hate it, i've got two little sister's who love Twilight, read all the book's whenever the movie's came I took them, watched the movie's, and then got home and tried to kill myself." He said as the men laughed, and like he expected, got his share of boo's as well. Meh go figure.

"Now I swear the whole movie is like this. 'Jacob!' Whoosh, 'Why did you take your shirt off?' 'Because, there is no story plot, it's just several mind killing hour's of this, look I can make my pec's dance.' "

With that Ichigo did a little belly dance making his chest move in a swirling manner like he was doing the dance from the ninty's song 'Milkshake' by Keisha? something along those lines. Now he didn't take his shirt off, but he did make the motion of ripping his shirt off for effect.

"Now if you've never seen the movie's, that's it. There's Jacob, the werewolf, who wander's around topless. Then uh..Edward, a weirdo vampire played by Robert Pattinson, who has the emotional range of, eh about Keanu Reeves after a stroke! horrible! and then there's Bella Swan, another horrible person who act's like she's on her period all the time."

The crowd laughed, and Ichigo grinned. He knew his other joke would get the crowd rolling because hell looking back he laughed on it as well.

"Now, believe it or not, I'm not the biggest wild animal fine. I like animal's that cant hurt me, or ya know, bite me and inject some shit. Well over the semester break, me and my family, you know, mom, dad, sister's, we went to that new Wild Life, Safari thing. Well we went and we're walking through the little path way, looking at all the wild animal's, well, there's this snake, it see's me and is like 'oh yeah I want that, yum yum yum."

He paused then laughing as he took another drink of his flask.

"No, it wasn't funny, really. I saw this snake looking at me, and then it lunged out of the tree, and while I would like to say I was manly, I wasnt, my body made a sound that i've never heard before, to make the snake go, 'eh leave it.' Then I remembered something, it was from a nature show I saw as a kid. Snakes have no immune to being ran over, so as manly as I could, I threw the snake into the road and...it turned into a stick."

The crowd laughed, and the rest of the show, the male ripped on everything he usually would, and had people laughing so hard they were crying. He loved his job. And at the end of the show, a few women even gave him their number's, to bad those bad boy's were going in the trash, he wasn't kidding when he said being gay wasn't a choice, but he had his choice to not lead a woman on either. Yeah he was fine and yeah he could make women cream themself's faster than their favorite vibrator's, but he preferred a dick over something slimy and overly wet inside.

"Ichi, you ready to head back?" Renji asked as he stretched his muscled arm's over his head, his sleeve's riding up showing the black tribal tattoo's that were there.

"Yeah i've got a family dinner tomorrow night, it's Sunday ya know." He said with a yawn as he went around the front to the bar to collect his pay from the bar owner, a busty woman with strawberry blond hair and bright blue eyes and a voice that could charm white paint to any color under the sun, named Rangiku.

"Ichi, you were wonderful everyone loved you." She said crossing her arm's under her bust and squeezing them together and leaning against the bar revealing a large amount of cleavage, though Ichigo was fairly sure she wasn't interested in him, at least, if she was, she to was barking up the wrong tree.

But alas, after about ten minunet's of her flirting, he got his pay and headed home with his friends. Shinji split off when they reached the street where his and Renji's apartment building was. Shinji lived three block's away, while Renji just lived one floor above Ichigo. So the duo walked through the door's of Huceo Mundo Apartment Place, and headed up.

Yes they took the stair's, three flight's got the heart pumping and kept them healthy thank you very much. Well three for Ichigo, four flight's for Renji, but either way, healthy. So Ichigo waved and walked down the hallway towards his place, room number 308, as Renji kept running, and unlocked it.

Inside was your basic college kid broke off his ass surviving on ramen, pay check furniture. No really, he had a Aaron's loaner living room set, which basically meant, his TV, couch, end table, coffee table, love seat, and over stuffed, oh God I just died and went to heaven easy chair were on rent. His kitchen had been redone before he moved in, Kohle's stainless steel in that baby, even if he didn't cook. Bathroom, well it was a bathroom, clean and had toilet paper and towels for his shower and basic hygiene, what else ya need?

In his bedroom was a king sized bed, his dresser, night stand, closet, laptop on his dresser {laptop was his, Walmart bought but it got the job done} and his PS3 and some games. And you know basic knick nack's, picture's, odd's and end's, and the likes. But tonight Ichigo just headed straight down the hallway towards the bathroom, making a sharp right about three quarter's of the way to his room.

Mama an Yuzu would be screaming if they saw him shedding clothing down the hallway. But he would gt it in the hamper in the morning, now he had to brush his teeth and go to bed. And after making sure his mouth was clean, he headed back towards his room and the large comfy bed with the black and grey comforter set, and fell in. Tomorrow meant family dinner, and that meant ALL the family, and to deal with his family, Ichigo needed all the rest he could get. 


End file.
